I Have Been Blessed

All about how God has blessed me. In my marriage, with my six children, through homeschooling, and our faith with recipes, large family living, and updates on our life.

Not Like You

on October 21, 2010

Sometimes, the box we put our self in is what isolates us. Sometimes it is the box other people put us in that isolates us. I am often times left out because I am either the mother who has five kids, or the mother with five kids. I am not like you. Sometimes, I make that choice, sometimes other’s make that choice for me.

I am on a Mothers Board, and so often I want to respond, but don’t, because I think, I am not like you. I don’t believe everything you believe. We are coming from different places on that. Sometimes there are things that come up and I want to participate, but hold myself back because I am not like you. I am not one of you. I don’t belong. Sometimes I hold myself back so as not to be controversial. Sometimes I hold myself back to be liked. I worry about people not liking me, and that bothers me. I know, that another person’s opinion of me is none of my business. I get that, and you can think whatever you want about me, and my choices, that is your God-given right. But I want to be liked. I want to be loved. I want to be included, without feeling like I am pushing myself in.

I am not sure why this is something I am struggling with lately. This feeling of not belonging. Of being an island on which a very few people visit. Am I having a mid-life crisis? Am I over thinking, over-reacting, taking things too personal. (Austin would vote yes, yes, and yes. We have often had conversations that start, “I don’t think so-and-so likes me” to which he responds, “You’re crazy” or some such variation on that theme.)

I am not sad, nor depressed, just aware that I want more. More closeness. I want to be closer to my family, closer to my friends. I am on a quest to be a better, more involved, more authentic ME.

Five Special Blessings to Me Today: 6 Days of Work starting tomorrow, Laughter, My children, who are ever so often the cause for that laughter, My Husband who understands that what I say may not always match what I feel, and sees the feelings underneath the words, Friends

I Hope you are Having a Blessed Day!

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4 responses to “Not Like You

  1. Amy says:

    Here’s what I think…

    God created us to need to be in community with one another. He tells us in Hebrews 10, “…let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, all the more as you see the day drawing near.”

    He also says in James 5, to “confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

    I don’t think you’re alone in feeling alone. I think, if we’re honest, most people feel at least a little island-like from time to time. And, I can only believe that we feel this way, because God created us to be in community. First, with Him, second with our brothers and sisters in the faith, and too often we do neglect our relationship with God and with others. “As is the habit of some…” We just forget we need each other. I know I am guilty! Maybe He adds that last part, “all the more as we see the day drawing near,” because He knows what we’re up against, and He knows how we have so much in our society and culture to distract us from what really matters.

    But, we need encouragement. We need to pray for each other. We need to know we’re loved, and we even need a little provoking. I think it’s neat the word “provoke” is used here in Hebrews. We usually think of someone provoking us to act out in a negative way, like one sibling provoking another to lash out at them, hit them, yell at them, and the like. But God calls us to be different, and instead we should be provoking each other to love a little more, care a little more, “lash out” a little more–in love!

    And, just so you know, I can’t imagine someone not liking you. From the very first time I met you, I could see how kind you are, and how you care about other people. And, it didn’t take me long to know in my heart that Austin had found someone really special. You are beautiful, inside and out! I am so happy you are my sister!

    A special blessing to me today: Christina!

  2. Ginni says:

    One thing you may not be taking into consideration is your level of intelligence as compared to some of the ‘others’ that you feel you don’t match. We actually see it all the time … the mother of two that has to resign a position that you, a mother of five, takes over. The people that judge you as the ‘mother of five’ because they know that they could not do what you are doing on a daily basis. Because THEY can’t do it, somehow that translates in conversation and action to mean that you SHOULDN”T do it. Perhaps even some resentment along the way because pregnancies have come easy for you. You, like me, are also not afraid to be a boat rocker when you feel that the boat needs rocking. That is a good thing, but sometimes it takes time to get beyond the angst of the person or people whose boat is being rocked. Ultimately it works out but the interim time is not always pleasant. I know you don’t make decisions lightly nor do you form opinions uninformed. That alone probably puts you well ahead of the pack of your contemporaries. What you may be viewing as ‘they don’t like me’ may, more accurately be interpreted that they are somewhat intimidated by you. I know you surprise people all the time with your levels of performance in a variety of tasks. You are a good daughter, a good mother, a good example and you are perfect just the way you are. You are enough. You are on your journey and learning every day — which is exactly what you are supposed to be doing. I love you — more than the sand and the drops and leaves on the trees.

  3. Jenny says:

    I LIKE AND LOVE YOU!!!!

  4. Amanda says:

    I can relate to how you feel. I dont think its not that uncommon for someone to want to fit in and not seem strange or fear that someone is not going to like them. I fear people will not like me all the time. I always am watching what I say especially being a preachers wife. I dont know any answers to this but especially being a Christian can be hard to fit into the world sometimes. You are a very unique lady Christina, a wonderful mother of 5 and a good christian. So just be positive!!
    and dont forget I am not a mom or on a mothers board but you can always talk to me 🙂

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